So..
Life has been something of a blessing but am still not satisfied! why? Is it because I'm selfish? I don't know..maybe.
Life has been something of a blessing but am still not satisfied! why? Is it because I'm selfish? I don't know..maybe.
Ever since my son was born, I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with him and spend amazing amount of quality time with him, by choice.
Did I always appreciate that? NO.
Did I always make the best of it? NO.
Did I complain? YES.
Did I crave for something I didn't have then? YES.
The answers didn't always apply but did in many situations. While I appreciated the chance of being with my baby 24/7 in his most crucial years, I didn't always make the best of it. I enjoyed my time with him tremendously but instead of focusing on the good times, I’m at this point in my life focusing on how I didn’t make the best of it in ALL situations.
I realize that we’re all humans and we can’t be focused on others (even if it’s your own child or husband) all the time and you need some time for yourself. Knowing that, why do I still look back and have regrets? I have an amazing son who is super easy going in most situations. He’s your average toddler in all aspects but for certain things, he’s wiser beyond his age – we’ve had some fun times together and will obviously have many more fun times together. Why am I not able to let it go and just accept the fact that I was not a BAD mom. Just because I wasn’t happy 24/7 while being with him does not make me a bad mom, it just makes me human.
My son and I have done everything from soccer, swimming, story times, crafts, play time together but yet, instead of appreciating that, I choose to look back and only think of things that I didn’t do such as not spend every minute with him, or get mad at him or not ‘teach’ him – it’s pretty pathetic I know!!
But that’s the reason why I have this blog – to let it all out, realize what I’m doing wrong and move on.
I spent 2 wonderful years as a stay at home mom and was able to find a job when I felt ‘ready’ to go back out in the work field. As a result, we’ve had to put our son in a day-care – hence, another reason for my ‘guilt’. Nothing kills me more than having to wake him up and ‘force’ him to get ready to go to school. When my husband and I see his little face drop upon dropping him off, it breaks our heart all over again every morning! We know he’s happy and thriving – but a child at this age needs nothing more than his parents, and here we choose to dump him in some hoity toity school.
When I was a stay at home mom, I wanted nothing more than to work and ‘get out of that environment’ because my son was at an age where he was driving me nuts – now that I’m out working, I’d do anything to go back to how it all was. I would much rather stay at home with him and do all those activities with him than work, ANYDAY, ANYTIME! His single smile is worth so much more than any amount of $ I will ever make. I just wish I had the guts to accept the fact that being a working mom is not my forte and that I would much rather be staying at home taking care of my child full-time.
